I have a schizophrenic iPod, as well. Mine runs the gamut from Louis Prima (nothing makes me crave Italian food ... or Italians, for that matter, than the soundtrack to Big Night) to The DiVinyls.

And Modern English's I'll Stop the World? Valley Girl, indeed. That's how I fell in love with Nicholas Cage. And still have a thang for him...yeah, I know, the Lisa Marie phase was just weird, but we're all entitled to our little psychoses.

Of course I back you up. Also, you're helping to support someone overcoming addiction; it's like you're a humanitarian.

It's hard to learn how to accept help (I'm still pretty bad at it) when, for your whole life, you've learned that being self-sufficient and strong enough to "do it on your own" is the way to be. I think the only thing to do is think, "would I mind if a friend needed me in this way?" and go forward on the answer to that question.

That's a tough lesson to learn and one that I seem to need to learn over and over again. I've had my financial ups and downs and, like you, treated many a friend to meals, airport runs, loans, etc. But when it comes around to be MY turn? I hate it.

Still, I'm better at it now than I was 15 years ago, that's for sure. It's the asking for help that takes the most work for me. Or the admission of guilt that, yeah, I'm broker than snot.

I do agree, though, with your therapist. People love being with you so it's not really an issue. It helps to view it from the other side of the coin, too.

Your therapist really does have her noodle screwed in right, doesn't she? Bless her, but I totally get where you are coming from. I hate being in debt to people but have no problem giving my last penny to someone to help them out... and the asking for help thing? I think I'll just put down a series of Yes, yep, absolutely's etc and nod like a dog for a bit.

I know nothing I say will make it better. So I'll just send a shoulder and a hug.

I just wanted to send my hugs through the web.

I've never been a cat person since my kitty ran away after a move when I was 9, but almost two years ago we spontaneously stopped for a "Free Kittens!" sign and got our daughter a kitten for her 5th birthday. We named her Gracie, but within two weeks it was apparent she was a boy, and Gracie just didn't seem like the thing to do then. We researched famous cat names until we settled on "Church," the cat in Pet Cemetery. We're a little offbeat, you know, ha! That cat has become the seventh member of our little family, and our fifth child. He's got such personality and spunk, and there are times we want to knock him out, but we love him, like family. We don't want to imagine our family without him. Reading this post really gave the way I feel about him words, and it made me ever so sad for what you must be going through. We'll be thinking of you and Pasha.

I had to put my cat of 20 years down 2 years ago. It was necessary and time as my vet told me that she had nothing that would help my cat's suffering. It was a hard decision and I balled my heart out when it was done. Last September, I rescued a scrawny bedraggled cat off the street. She was so skinny, I thought her a kitten. I took her to the vet the same day to see if there were any medical problems. It turned out there were quite a few, mainly the result of being mauled by a larger animal.. The vet also told me that based on de4ntal wear, she estimated the cat's age at about 6 years. She was hardly a kitten. Now, after Cdn. $2000 of veterinary surgery, my "free" cat is happy and filled out.

Oh, I hate this for you. Sending lots of gentle loving vibes to you and Pasha Miss Kitty Fantastico.

I'm glad I got to meet her, and maintain that she is movie perfect (I held back from writing purrrfect). And I'm so sorry for you; she's been a fantastic kitty-friend.

Oh, Carly, I'm terribly sorry. I love cats and know what it's like to have to say goodbye to them. My heart goes out to you and Pasha.

I'm so sorry. That I am late with my condolences. That she had to go. Losing a pet is one of the hardest things. My heart goes out to you.

Wow. Powerful stuff. I'm so glad that woman came up and shared with you so you could really grasp how much good you are doing for people by sharing your story.

That completely made me cry.

How cool is that?! Makes it all worth it...

You really are quite the most wonderful human being. Bless you.

Wow. Even this blog post was intensely emotional to read -- but yeah, I agree with Renee. Having attended your Vancouver reading, I was mildly shocked when I finally got a chance to read the book, because there was a real disjunct between the lightness of the reading and the contents of the book. Not that it's a depressingly heavy book -- it's really not -- but rather, that it's a *serious* book, and deserves to be treated as such. So hooray for you for going there. Just another example of how far you're willing to push through this stuff for the sake of healing yourself & others. Awesome.

Sounds fantastic- enjoy!

It's seriously that much of a hassle to visit CANADA these days? Whatever happened to showing your birth certificate and saying you were just spending a couple hours at Niagara Falls?

Please tell me you went to the Madonna cabaret?

I lived in Toronto from 1955 to 2003, I'm glad that you feel "home" is there. My son and sister and her family live in Toronto.

Yay! The NYC love is back. Now if only you could spot some chavs, you might just fall head over heels...

That must be a great feeling. :)

There is (was) a similar phenomenon in Ireland when I was there in 2001. Track suits, bad jewelry, making out against walls in public places. And as a visitor, I really couldn't figure out if they were supposed to be thugs and I should feel concerned, or if they were just folks with bad sense of style. (Although, there was one fellow walking around with a syringe behind his ear, so I think he meant business.)

I wish I knew what they were called because I doubt the Irish would use a British term to describe them.

And! There were young baggy clothed thugs in Costa Rica who were called (in Spanish) grasshoppers because they walked funny.

I love international sub-culture type stuff.

Ooo, chavs. My most hated thing about my otherwise okayish country. Research (the type that happens in my own head) says the nearest thing you have in the US to the hated and annoying chav is the wannabe gangster type - all talk and no trousers.

Chav-ness is dragging down this country so much that it makes me genuinely afraid for us. There is no hope, no joy and no substance to these idiots - when they laugh it is with cruelty, nothing touches them so they never change.

Thank God, or whatever, that the US hasn't been infested with this particular flavour of horror.

Give Sandra a big hug for me!

Feel better! In the Flesh will go great tonight.

I probably won't be able to make it, though. Boo to me!

Honey, lemon, duvet, weepy movies on DVD, and a couch.

Feel better.

Good luck with the sickness, and the move, and the Sandra. :)

I love when Buffy says that to monster-Giles! I'm so going to have to watch that ep now.

Now that's the kind of busy I'd love to be. I'm looking for writing gigs if you know of any blogs that need writers. I'll do anything. I'm a total whore.

Karl, do you ever keep an eye on MediaBistro.com? They're a great resource, both with their job listings and How To Pitch features.

If you need any help with the house stuff, let me know. It would seem that I have a little free time at the moment.

I am exhausted reading that but at least it's all good, productive stuff right?

I need to nap now.

Sizz - totally good productive stuff.

Bug, I may call you in for packing, but I'm not sure about that yet... I actually don't have a lot of stuff (thankfully I did a massive purge over the last year or so.) And I'm so ridiculously excited about painting by myself that it's kind of funny.

Girl, don't forget to breathe!

Loving and accepting someone for who/what they are is a great thing -- but you know? So is pushing them toward being as amazing as they can be, just as they did you all those years ago. You're allowed to feel bummed out by the situation and hopeful that it'll change.

I'm glad you're feeling better. Don't be embarrassed by what you wrote -- you wrote what you felt. It's perfectly valid.

Sometimes, people can't continue to walk the talk. And sometimes the needs change.

I know I've fought like heck to achieve something I wanted and then found it wasn't all I hoped, and that, although other people thought I was insane to walk away from the opportunity, for me, it was the right thing to do.

I ended up happier and more true to myself by making that choice than the choice which, to others, looked like it was more "me".

I totally agree -- one can't ever stop growing, changing, and learning. And yet, there are also times where we need "time outs" from what's expected, from what's usual, even from our choices, in order to replenish.

Glad you're feeling better.

I have bad WEEKS sometimes, it seems. Bad MONTHS, even. But I know what's good for me, and that's reaching out to my friends. Most of those are online and not local. I know that the more I stay in my house and don't go out, the worse my symptoms get. So even when I don't feel like it, I try to get out, maybe hit the local coffee shop and do my online stuff there instead.

It's a valuable lesson, I guess, to learn that we can't stand in anyone's shadow for too long.

Sandra - true, but how do you tell the difference between the two?

Devon - thank you. I'm really enjoying your insights. They're super helpful.

Karl - but see, that's awesome. You know your limits, and your boundaries, and you don't give up. I say that's admirable.

In high school and college I made most of my spending money babysitting for a couple who had five kids. They were good kids but...two words...CLOTH DIAPERS. Ack!

I love babysitting for many reasons but mostly because (up until now and hopefully further on down the line) it helps me remember that I am just not quite ready for such a commitment.

She sounds utterly adorable.

Emma, cloth diapers would've been a dealbreaker for me. Yikes!

And Sizz, I'm so with you. Someday, yes. Today? Yeah... no. But she really was cute, and I'm so enamored with how miraculous kids are. She's still learning to speak, and she pointed to a pattern on one of her toys and said, "Star!"

And I said, "Are you gonna be a star?"

She smiled and nodded. And I said, "What are you going to do?"

She pointed to her feet. I said, "Dance?"

She nodded and grinned from ear to ear.

Sometimes I think they understand more than we think...

You can't live someone else's life for him or make choices for him anymore than you'd want those choices made for you.

I learned (the hard, painful way), that the best thing that can happen with a good mentor is that you eventually outgrow the person.

As a mentor, when you do your job right, you know when to let your mentees go and not try to live vicariously through them.

People's lives change over time, and their priorities change. Sometimes it's finding out that what you thought you wanted isn't really what you want, and you have to step back and find another path. Sometimes you burn out and need to do something else for awhile and recharge.

And sometimes, some people do just give up. They've used everything up -- usually by not drawing firm enough boundaries and saving enough for themselves, but via the mistaken idea that martyring themselves for others will get them what they want in the end. All it's left them is empty.

I don't know the details, and I wouldn't presume to project which scenario (and it might be none of the above) is your mentor's.

But, even if you disagree with the decision, it's not yours to make. The best you can do, if you really, truly care about this person, is state that you don't agree, but also offer whatever support you can (as long as it's not something hurtful, like self-mutilation or something).

Ultimately, this is not about you. Your life is moving along in ways you want and ways you can't even imagine. It is this other person's life, and this person has to make the choices. It's painful when we believe we see a better path, or if we believe that the person isn't living up to their potential, or, as you put it, the authenticity. It hurts like hell.

But we don't live in their skins, and, ultimately, it is not our decision to make. It's out of our control -- and that's sometimes as painful as seeing someone we care about making decisions with which we disagree.

Yeah, it's hard sometimes to realize just how human our mentors are. I'm up and down a lot, emotionally, at times very motivated and at times barely able to get out of bed.

But being genuine/authentic is very much part of me. I don't always have the funny in me. Those days I blog about depression.

Y'all have inspired a follow-up post. :)

What an awesome trip!

Don't you love it when you reconnect with long-time-ago friends and the connection is still here?

Absolutely!

The worst year of my life was spent in Seattle.

However, I always loved Pike Place Market and riding the ferries for no particular reason.

Glad you had a good trip.

Enjoy Vancouver!

Devon
Ink in My Coffee

Christmas in our house when I was growing up started after Thanksgiving (Canadian Thanksgiving that is) and didn't let up until Epiphany (Jan. 6). My mom would bring out the Christmas albums the second the thanksgiving turkey was in the fridge.

Devon - can I be nosy and ask what made it so bad?

Suze - that sounds like my dream scenario!

What an awesome story!
I'm sorry I can't come to the book launch party tomorrow night, but know it will be a blast!
Jen S.

What lively adventures. Saw Neil shout-out your book launch. Congrats.

Nice.

Glad you just got a ticket and didn't get the car impounded.

Jen - you lied, you were totally there. :)

Pearl - thanks! And I see you're Canadian, from Ottawa. Never been, but maybe I'll make it out that way at some point with the book if all goes according to plan.

Peggy - that car was cursed, I swear... I wound up nicknaming it the Death Car. (Not to be confused with the Death Couch, which is actually a compliment to the couch.)

Yeah, I saw the email. I'm not going to chase down PayPal users. I just hope people donate!

Good for you, sticking to your guns. Sometimes I fall into old habits, too, even though I know better. Humans, we're a faulty lot.

She does indeed have a mind like a steel trap. I met her the first time at your bday party, then ran into her another time at a burlesque party about 2 years later. She remembered me!! I was flabbergasted.

I'm commenting! Because I can! (yay!)

Proud of you! It'll be okay.

First of all, you rock. I know you're not looking for validation, but I'm telling you anyway. :)

Second, this IS going to make a difference -- at the VERY least, for everyone who'll write about it, and their readers. And unlike the party yuck-situation, you're involved with people who are doing this because they believe in you and the cause this time -- not because they got an invite to a cool gig.

In short: rock on.

Mama, you know this is exactly why (well, ok there are other reasons that you also know, but thats not what we'e talking about here) I want to help you do the digital campaign. it begins Monday. Be aware. I will be stealing some of yr words, you know that right? ;)
mwah

Hey, there. I just want to thank you for even starting this project. I was raped recently enough that I'm still dealing with the PTSD, and I'm really excited to have this opportunity to process things my own way, while perhaps helping some others along the way. It's a brilliant idea, and I'm so happy to be a part of it!

Is there any chance there will be some sort of reference point/rallying place for bloggers who are signing on for it? I'd love to keep up with some of these blogs; I can't wait to see what comes out of it!

Thanks, and please, don't worry: you've already made a difference here, and April hasn't even started yet.

I predict that you're going to be astounded by the success of this campaign. The first GBBMC was fantastic, and we didn't even have a good cause to support! Just ask Kevin how astounded he was by the way the whole thing snowballed (in a good way!).

Besides, it's as much about raising awareness as it is about raising funds, and believe me, it's making a difference in that respect already.

Just ask the universe for what you want, and expect it.

First off, thanks for all the support. That was really cool of you.

Jen, I'm honored that you're involved, especially considering the stage you're at in your healing. Bravo! There will be a reference point of all the participating blogs on the official contest page at Kevin's site, so definitely keep it bookmarked. We're going to have a list of everyone over there so you can keep tabs on one another!

And SJ, you're absolutely right... I've been communicating with the universe about that very thing ever since I got your comment!

Just don't forget, yall - please e-mail gbbmc2008 AT gmail DOT com to announce your official entry (some of you haven't... Sandra, looking in your direction...), post the donation and contest links on your site throughout April, post the icon, and remind people they need to reference GBBMC:08 and your blog in the "donation in honor of" field on RAINN's site. It's the only way we'll know who's raising the most money for prizes!