I think my moving experience can be best encapsulated by a moment I shared with Sandra just before she left on Monday. We were dismantling my bed, getting everything ready to move the next day. We'd already moved most of the little stuff... to the point where I had to eat things out of a glass with my toothbrush because I forgot to leave utensils and a plate in my kitchen to get me through the first chunk of the week.
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Anyway. So we took apart my bed and lifted off the mattress, which is this huge king-sized monstrosity that is the most comfortable thing to sleep on, and yet the biggest pain in the ass to move. And when said mattress came up off of said bedframe, it revealed something I'd long since forgotten about: pictures of me with the ex.
"No wonder I haven't gotten any action - my ex is still ion my bed," I laughed, and picked up the picture... the picture that I once looked at and thought that it exemplified love, but looked at on Monday and realized how much fear there was. For one I was pushing him away with my hand, very gently... and for the other, that hand was still wearing my wedding ring. Talk about mixed messages.
So I removed the pictures and tossed them. With intent. And it felt good.
Later I took Sandra to the airport, and the next day I moved the last of my things out of the condo. At midnight I packed up the cat and took one last look around. The walls still had the loud, vibrant colors I painted them, but the rooms felt dead. There was nothing left for me anymore, and it felt strange considering what a huge part of my life that place had been. I wrote Sexography there. I learned and grew so much. But for the first time, walking away from that home felt like I was going toward something instead of running away.
I had a momentary tear-up, turned off the lights, and went to my new home.
As I write this I'm in the business lounge at the Newark Airport, preparing to board a plane for Portugal. These next three weeks should be very interesting. The first leg of my trip is with two friends I've traveled with before, the second leg takes me to New York for the first time since I did the book tour for Naked Ambition, and the final leg to Toronto, which I left in 99 and haven't been back to since 2000. And I'm really looking forward to all three parts... even though I just got fully unpacked last night at around 11:30, only to have to pack my suitcase and split this morning! But at least I'll have a clean home to come home to.
I'll be blogging while I'm gone, but how much depends on how the internet connection in Europe is. But I hope your weekend is going well... and there will be more soon.
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