Carly Milne • Blog • "You can't give up on Charity, Miguel. Would Leonardo give up on Kate? Would Ross give up on Rachel? Would Bo give up on Hope?"

March 26, 2008

"You can't give up on Charity, Miguel. Would Leonardo give up on Kate? Would Ross give up on Rachel? Would Bo give up on Hope?"

I have to be honest with you and tell you that I'm super nervous about this whole online fundraiser thing for RAINN.

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It's kind of scary how this whole thing evolved from a simple and fun way to try and publicize the book to becoming this big organizational thing with thousands of dollars in prizes and people to answer to. I'm afraid that it's not going to go as well as I hope and that we won't be able to help in the way that I expect we will... and I think that's the big issue right there. If this were about me, I don't think I'd be as worried. But it's not. It's about an incredibly worthy organization that I really want to help, and I'm afraid that I'm going to suck at this.

And yes, this all stems back to the last time that I attempted something big. The last time I attempted something big, I threw a party for an adult company I was working for at the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas during the biggest event of the year, and I failed. Miserably. Everything that could've gone wrong did, and my head rolled as a result. I got accused of a lot of things during that time, like throwing a party for my friends on the company's dime or how it was just a big, idiotic display designed to get me attention, the latter of which I find absurd because my whole life at the time was about publicizing others. If I could be accurately accused of anything, it would be wanting to make my bosses happy at any cost (save the kind that required me to make a bobbing-for-apples motion with my head, of course.) And yeah, I screwed up a lot of things in a quest to get that praise. So maybe back then it was about attention... just not the way everyone thought it was.

But this is different. I've always said one of the reasons why I wanted to write the book was because I wanted to help people, and thanks to a lot of pow wowing with Kevin, this is one of the ways we came up with. I mean, yeah, so the name of the book gets out there a bit, but it's so much more than that. I remember telling my dad about the fundraiser, and he said, "What about funds for you?" And I laughed. But if this were about me, I'd be asking everyone to donate funds directly into my bank account so I don't wind up losing my condo. (Which I'm actually okay with now that it looks like I've found a new home.)

I remember being a teenager and telling my friends I'd been raped, and having them laugh in my face and telling me I probably liked it. It was probably one of the most soul-crushing experiences I've ever had to go through. I also remember that the big anonymous help thing at the time was something called Kid's Help Phone, but the ads always alluded to calling them if you had trouble at home and wanted to run away, not when your body had been violated by a stranger and the people you counted on for support thought you were joking. So I never told anyone. And it ripped me apart for years.

So I kind of feel like if there's something I can do to help other people not have to experience that kind of loneliness, then I want to do it. And I really think the National Online Hotline is an ingenious thing. It's the ultimate anonymous communication tool, but that's the thing - it still allows people to communicate. It gives someone the safety of being cloaked while still getting the help that they need.

But on top of that, I really think we need to change our language about sexuality as a whole, and I really think the blogathon is a great way to do that. I've had people tell me, "Oh, I can't blog about rape, because that will kill my readership." Fine - don't blog about rape, but blog about what your sexuality is about whether you write about it from a deep or superficial level, because it can help someone else who's confused about where they stand whether they've been raped or not. One of the most valuable things for me as a survivor was reading and seeing experiences that made sex look fun, or goofy, or thoughtful, or anything other than what I thought it was after the experiences I'd had. In fact, one of the big turning points in my sexual history was reading Madonna's Sex book, because up until that point I'd locked myself down and decided celibacy was it for me. Seeing her in that light made me wonder if there wasn't more to sexual experience than what I knew. (Of course this is described at length in the book. You wouldn't think I'd miss the chance to make a good Madonna reference in my book, would you?)

Anyway. I realize this is out of my control now that it's officially launched and I just have to sit back and hope for the best now, but it's still giving me a bit of uneasy stomach. This really does mean a lot to me, which is probably why I'm so ill about this. I'm appreciative of everyone who's signed up so far. And I hope we can make a big difference. I really do.

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8:55 PM • permalink

6 Comments

Kathryn Hill said on March 27, 2008 1:12 PM:

Proud of you! It'll be okay.

sandra said on March 28, 2008 7:26 AM:

First of all, you rock. I know you're not looking for validation, but I'm telling you anyway. :)

Second, this IS going to make a difference -- at the VERY least, for everyone who'll write about it, and their readers. And unlike the party yuck-situation, you're involved with people who are doing this because they believe in you and the cause this time -- not because they got an invite to a cool gig.

In short: rock on.

colleen said on March 28, 2008 11:45 PM:

Mama, you know this is exactly why (well, ok there are other reasons that you also know, but thats not what we'e talking about here) I want to help you do the digital campaign. it begins Monday. Be aware. I will be stealing some of yr words, you know that right? ;)
mwah

Jen said on March 29, 2008 2:52 PM:

Hey, there. I just want to thank you for even starting this project. I was raped recently enough that I'm still dealing with the PTSD, and I'm really excited to have this opportunity to process things my own way, while perhaps helping some others along the way. It's a brilliant idea, and I'm so happy to be a part of it!

Is there any chance there will be some sort of reference point/rallying place for bloggers who are signing on for it? I'd love to keep up with some of these blogs; I can't wait to see what comes out of it!

Thanks, and please, don't worry: you've already made a difference here, and April hasn't even started yet.

SJ said on March 29, 2008 10:15 PM:

I predict that you're going to be astounded by the success of this campaign. The first GBBMC was fantastic, and we didn't even have a good cause to support! Just ask Kevin how astounded he was by the way the whole thing snowballed (in a good way!).

Besides, it's as much about raising awareness as it is about raising funds, and believe me, it's making a difference in that respect already.

Just ask the universe for what you want, and expect it.

Carly said on March 30, 2008 7:19 PM:

First off, thanks for all the support. That was really cool of you.

Jen, I'm honored that you're involved, especially considering the stage you're at in your healing. Bravo! There will be a reference point of all the participating blogs on the official contest page at Kevin's site, so definitely keep it bookmarked. We're going to have a list of everyone over there so you can keep tabs on one another!

And SJ, you're absolutely right... I've been communicating with the universe about that very thing ever since I got your comment!

Just don't forget, yall - please e-mail gbbmc2008 AT gmail DOT com to announce your official entry (some of you haven't... Sandra, looking in your direction...), post the donation and contest links on your site throughout April, post the icon, and remind people they need to reference GBBMC:08 and your blog in the "donation in honor of" field on RAINN's site. It's the only way we'll know who's raising the most money for prizes!

Hey, Seattle! I'm doing a Sexography reading at The Center for Sex-Positive Culture on Friday, August 22nd!
I'm also doing a Sexography reading at Elliott Bay Book Co. on Saturday, August 23rd!
The next In The Flesh: L.A. is July 31st!
Donate to RAINN
Read my thoughts on writing Sexography at my Amazon blog!
For info on events supporting Sexography, join the Sexography Facebook page!

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