Admittedly I’ve been remiss on keeping up to date with blogging about this. I’m actually almost done, so I’m going to do this in a couple chunks so I’m not churning out a 5,000-word epic about lessons 15 to 22. It’s interesting… on one hand I’m glad this is coming to a close, but on the other I’m disappointed because it’s been really fruitful and unearthed a lot of things that needed to be dislodged from my psyche. I suppose I can do it over again until I move on to the second course, but I wonder if it will resonate with me the same way? I guess there’s only one way to find out.
Anyway. Session 15’s title? “Your Garbage, Your Gift.” The whole concept behind this lesson is how our light hides behind our garbage, or how our true nature and full capacity is locked behind walls of egomaniacal nonsense. The more we hang on to it, the more it impedes spiritual growth. So how do you let go of it? Let your buttons get pushed, and then act instead of react to what arises in you. That’s how you realize what needs to be changed.
So the workbook section first had me list what my garbage is and how it shows up, and I found my list pretty simple to draft up: pushiness, petty annoyances, anger, whininess, overly emotional (at times – I’m getting better at this), clingy (ditto this – it’s more a past thing than a current thing), tailspinning into stress. Then I had to list what bothers me about others and what they do to trigger me, also a simple list to populate. A smattering of the best ones? Not paying attention to what they’re doing, behaving in a way designed to take instead of share or give, not following through, making promises that can’t be kept.
You know what the (not so) amusing thing is about all that? In the past two weeks I have caught myself not paying attention to people I’m talking with, not finishing things I’ve started to do (I’m notorious for this in the kitchen, where I’ll start cleaning and put it down to read a magazine or something right in the middle of my task), I’ve done a couple manipulative things to get something I want (in minor, minor ways, mind you, but none the less…), and then promising to be somewhere at a certain time, then appearing 20 minutes after my promised time.
Funny how that happens, isn’t it? Yeah, I’m just rolling on the floor in gales of laughter.
Session 16 decides to dig into what the core of your – or my – issue is. One of the lines from this lesson that I love? “The change is relative to the individual. You have to have the strength to be weak.”
Totally.
So obviously the whole thing about course 15 was to give you what you need to work on and transform in 16. After defining my core issue (fear), and how it likes to present itself (my ability to become complacent and keep my mouth shut about things I maybe shouldn’t), I had to visualize myself as being stressed and describe what it’s like, then come up with action items to work through said stress. What’s mildly hilarious about this is I’ve spent the weekend feeling stressed and didn’t think that I was using any of the plans I’d laid out for myself in such situations, but I actually did more than I thought I did… like taking a break to go for a hike, doing one thing at a time, taking care of me. See, there’s something about writing this stuff down that really digs into my psyche.
On to 17 – removing blockages. The general idea is to act in the opposite of how you’ve acted before. So if part of my garbage is my constant need for validation, attention and affection, rather than seek it I’m aiming to give it. I’ve experimented with this over the past week or so and it’s been really interesting to see how some of my life relationships have transformed for the better. And become more fulfilling. So naturally I had to start detailing how I would face my fears head on – what they were, what I had to do to confront them, and how to keep going.
Lastly, session 18 discussed elevating consciousness and how you know that you’re evolving rather than just convincing yourself that you are. Stuff like things not bothering you the way they used to, it’s easier to communicate with others, you’re seeking opportunities to change… that sort of thing. My workbook assignment consisted of essentially essaying about what tipping point I had to create in my own critical mass of consciousness. My answer? Doing something when I don’t think I should do it – like blogging about this whole experience – with the caveat that I need to tune into when I know it’s something I shouldn’t do versus when it’s just something I’m afraid to do. I’m getting better and better at understanding the difference between the two.
Next up, the light, the vessel, and how to stop taking from others. (And man, that last one surprised me.)
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