Kabbalah Schooling 11, 12, 13 & 14
I needed a break.
I was getting really worn out there for a bit. It’s exhausting, this stuff. This… looking at all my stuff. This figuring out how it got there and what I’m going to do about it going forward stuff. So when I was listening to session 14 and the instructor said, “Take a break if you want to,” that’s exactly what I did. Which is good, because apparently it’s going to start getting tougher now.
(Great. More toughness.)
Anyway. Session 11 was about finding the meaning in why things are the way they are… or as they put it, “why is this in my movie?” So a lot of cause and effect stuff. One of the lines in my workbook that I liked read, “The greater the challenge, the more light is brought in.” Which, yay – because last week was terribly challenging on a hell of a lot of levels. So for my exercise I had to write down an incident in which someone hurt me (I had to choose only one. And something recent. I was like, I could write a book! Oh, wait…) And in recalling the incident I had to look at it objectively and get a greater understanding of what the gift was from the situation. Digging deeper, I then had to write about a challenge that’s happening in my life, what good came of it, how the event has shaped me as a person, and where I bring those qualities into the rest of my life.
Session 12 started discussing tools for proactivity – so namely, how to take action rather than react. Again quoting from my book, “If you feed reactive qualities, you give energy to the ego. If you feed proactive qualities, you give energy to love, gratitude and sharing.” I like that. And I can think of more times than I care to count where my emotions took off on me, dragging me behind them like a hapless passenger on a bullet train to Meltdownville. (As an aside, I’ve been impressed with myself that I’ve gotten better at acting instead of reacting… and when I do react, I realize what I’m doing. And it doesn’t feel comfortable anymore. So I’m less inclined to do that now that I realize how ill it makes me feel. I hope it dissipates to the point where it’s not a problem anymore.)
Anyway. Workbook stuff required me to detail questions I ask myself every day (like, “Why am I doing this again?”) and how I can ask new more empowering questions (like, “What lesson can I learn from this situation so it doesn’t repeat?”)Next up, looking at my triggers and figuring out a better solution to how to react to them. Lastly, noting moments where being proactive worked better for me than my old habits… like when I was turned down for something I really wanted, and instead of crying and getting all upset, I figured it meant something better was coming along and decided to surf I Can Has Cheezburger instead. And as it was happening there was this weird tug of war going on inside my brain, where my ego wanted to pitch a big diva fit, and I wanted to laugh at cat pictures. (I may or may not have been wearing a strait jacket at the time.)
Session 13 delved into the two worlds, meaning the 99% realm (spiritual) as opposed to the 1% realm (reality.) Ooh, woo woo stuff! I’ll spare you the vast majority of the lesson, but essentially it was encouraging the concept of manifestations and meditation, which I already work on and love, so I was in my element. My workbook assignment had me detail moments where I felt the universe was sending me signs about things. Session 14? Power of the 99% world. Again, more woo woo. But this was the first workbook assignment where I didn’t know how to answer. The first part asked me where it was in my life that I needed more clarity, and I responded about [an unnamed situation that is, for the moment, private]. Part two? Looking and listening for the answer… and I didn’t get the answer until just now. Huh. Took me four days, but there it is.
Next up, session 15 looks at “Your Garbage, Your Gift,” and I have a check-in with my teacher. This should be entertaining. I’d better get the Kleenex ready.
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