I wanted to share one of my favorite pictures from my travels over this past year (bearing in mind my travels aren’t yet done, so the favorite picture might change between now and the end of this year.)
(Photo courtesy of
Mary Lou Crowley, a.k.a. "Photo Lady.")
This picture was taken in Portugal in September.
You can’t see it, but in this picture, my heart is broken.
It wasn’t broken by a lover or a friend, it was broken by a family member.
And in this picture, I was finally admitting it to myself. I’d been trying to run away from it for years. I couldn’t run anymore.
I’d spent that morning sitting on the floor of my hotel room, sobbing like a child. It was painful and cathartic all at once.
And then I had to go out and be social and take notes on the world around me.
We took the ferry across to Pico, where we stopped at the Cliffside to look at the seas raging below.
I decided I wanted to be alone, so I allowed the pathway to lead me to these stairs – with no support and no railings – because I knew nobody would follow me.
And nobody did.
I sat there and watched the seas rage below me. I was sad and exhausted and frustrated and angry… all of those things, and I just didn’t want to be anymore.
So I made a decision. I decided I had to move on, I had to let go.
It wasn’t easy. It’s still not.
But it’s better. Much better than where I was on that day.
I guess that’s the thing about change. It’s a process. But the process can’t start without the decision. You can’t get to a better place without getting on the path.
And I knew I had to change. I had to change my outlook, my perception. I had to change my approach to my life. I had to take charge of it and my emotions, and not let either try to steamroll me out of commission anymore.
I made that decision on those steps, watching that sea.
And each day has been better than the last.
Onward.
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