A conversation with Sandra this afternoon:
Sandra: are you bursting with disney excitement?
Carly: I will be soon. :)
Sandra: what if you saw madonna at disneyland
Sandra: singing christmas music
Carly: my head would explode
Sandra: I figured as much
My friends know me so well.
On another note, it’s so nice to be home. And it’s funny how long it’s taken me to realize that. When I started doing all this travel (back in February, really), every time I had to board the plane to come home I’d feel an incredible amount of dread. I’ll refrain from going into the details of why, because really, who cares? But something shifted for me this time. I couldn’t sleep on the plane home from Thailand. Not even Die Hard 4 could put me down (which is understandable, considering Timothy Olyphant was in it, and no, I don’t care that he wasn’t the best foil for Bruce Willis because he’s hot.) And when the plane touched down I experienced an incredible amount of glee. Glee! About being home! How novel.
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And really, I don’t know what it was that made it all so wonderful for me. Sunday was kind of gloomy, but I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. I dropped my backpack in the doorway when I got home and parked my butt on the couch to watch all my tivoed episodes of Ugly Betty and America’s Next Top Model (the latter of which nearly put me to sleep, but the glee won out.) I sort of jumped back into my routine on Monday, getting a reasonable amount of work done… but there was a difference. I started my day at 5am with a meditation, and took a couple breaks throughout the day to go for a walk. The same thing happened Tuesday. But Wednesday…. Oh, Wednesday.
Wednesday morning I woke up at 5am, just as I have every day since I’ve been back, and meditated, just as I have every day since I’ve been back. I showered, I started work for a little while, and because I’m not driving these days, I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my yoga gear so I could trek over to my friend Huli’s place, where I would catch a ride with her and Djuna to my yoga studio. When I walked out of my building I was first struck by the fact that it’s November and it was 80, but on top of that, the sky was this incredible crystal clear shade of blue with nary a cloud to be found. Nor smog. And everything just looked so vibrant, as if it were spring!
My walk was lovely, and the perfect warm up for class, which was intense and wonderful. A word about my yoga studio: bliss. Walking in for the first time in six weeks felt like I’d come back home (which, really, I had.) But there was something about seeing all the familiar faces and getting caught up on all the happenings that really – don’t barf – warmed my heart.
(An aside – warmed my heart?!? Is this really what I’ve become? I mean, I’m glad I moved out of my angry phase and stopped using the word “fuck” as if it were “and” or “the,” but please shoot me if I start signing off my e-mails with “Namaste.”)
Class was wonderful, amazing, intense. I went through the whole class bathed in light from a sunbeam that was shooting through one of the skylights, which only added to my happiness about being there. After our meditation and the close of class, I felt so high… like I was floating on a cloud (which is apparently what smoking opium feels like. I learned that at the opium museum in Thailand.) After class I met Narayan for lunch in the café, which we took back to her place as we discussed her plans for world domination.
Lunch was coconut butternut squash soup, which was so rich and flavorful that I almost ate the container I brought it home in to ensure I hadn’t missed a drop. And then after Narayan and I talked about working together on launching her natural skincare line into the stratosphere, she custom blended me enough shea butter to last me through to the end of the year. And then we drove home, bathed in sun, listening to Esther Hicks waxing poetic on destiny, attitude, and how focusing on what’s not happening that’s bad instead of what is happening that’s good can doom you.
And then, last night I did the first interview about the book on the Derek and Romaine show on Sirius Radio. I’ve done Derek and Romaine’s show a million times, but our conversation last night was really awesome. At one point they opened up the phone lines and took a call from a man who confessed that he’d been molested as a child, and to this day has to spend the holidays with his abuser. I had to fight back tears when he was speaking. First, because I was so impressed that he was brave enough to discuss what he was feeling in a public forum, but second, because of the sound of his voice, the words he said… I understood. I understood fully where he was and what he was going through. I hope the advice we gave him helped, and that he’s able to find peace.
I didn’t get a lot done yesterday, which is fine considering I’m still getting acclimated to this time zone again…. But somehow it didn’t matter. It sounds so dumb, but when Narayan dropped me off I had this overwhelming feeling that I wanted to hug everyone and everything (which is a vast improvement from previous years when I wanted to hump everything to show my appreciation. It’s a wonder what therapy can do.) My bed, my television, my subletter… I wanted to wrap my arms around them all and squeeze and say thank you.
What a difference a year makes.
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